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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24614548">Shrek, why does your mom let you have TWO boyfriends</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikkiemak/pseuds/mikkiemak'>mikkiemak</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Shriohan crack [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shrek (Movies), ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Infidelity, M/M, Polyamory Negotiations, crackfic, eventual polyamory, please dont come for me</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:40:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>614</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24614548</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikkiemak/pseuds/mikkiemak</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dio surprises Shrek in his swamp, and sees something he shouldn't have. Will their relationship survive?</p><p>this is 100%  unproofread unapologetic crack</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dio Brando/Shrek (Shrek), Kishibe Rohan/Shrek (Shrek)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Shriohan crack [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1779529</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Shrek, why does your mom let you have TWO boyfriends</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this really wasn't supposed to be my first completed post but here we fucking are</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"How <em>dare</em> you!!" Dio's voice shrieked through the swamp, startling a flock of pigeons as well as the two people who were, until now, deeply committed to sucking face.</p><p>Shrek pulled Rohan off of him and tried to defend himself. "D-Dio! This… this isn't what it looks like!"</p><p>"Oh? It doesn't? And what exactly do you think this looks like 'cause it looks like you're cheating on me with some… some basic twink!!"</p><p>Rohan glared, offended. "I am <em>not</em> some basic twink." Nose in the air, he turned and slid onto Shrek's lap, wrapping his arms around his neck. "Who the fuck are <em>you</em> anyway."</p><p>Dio was rapidly turning purple with rage, and Shrek rubbed his sweaty palms on his pants, avoiding touching Rohan.</p><p>"I am Dio Brando you bitch! And if you don't mind <em>removing yourself from my boyfriend's lap</em>, I'm going to commit a murder." Dio's words were meant to intimidate, but the voice thick with tears ruined the effect. Rohan clearly thought the conversation was over, and went back to sucking dark green hickeys into Shrek's succulent neck. Dio gasped at the disgusting display, and turned away, covering his mouth as hot tears streamed down the vampires face. "They were right, if he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you."</p><p>Shrek glowered, still trying to pull away from Rohan. "Don't bring Fiona into this."</p><p>"And why not!" Dio cried. "You left her for <em>me</em>!! I thought… we were supposed to be together forever! Is this why you never let me turn you into a vampire? Did you <em>ever</em> love me…" Dio's voice broke on those last words, and he couldn't hold back a harsh sob.</p><p>Shrek stood suddenly, dumping a pissy Rohan on the ground. "I did! I do!"</p><p>"LIAR!"</p><p>"I'm not! I love you both, ok? I didn't tell you because I still want to be with you!"</p><p>Rohan sighed, and got to his feet, brushing dirt from with backside. "You two are ridiculous, why don't we just share him then, hmm?"</p><p>Dio gaped, unsure he was hearing correctly. "I- I don't share!"</p><p>"Why not?"</p><p>"Because- because I am Dio Brando! I'm possessive and greedy and petty, I kill puppies! And children! I hoard and plot and scheme I certainly don't share!"</p><p>Rohan sighed again. "Have you even tried? Look I don't like you. But if Shrek loves us both, why not let him have both? I mean, apparently, you've been sharing already, you just didn't know it. And well," Rohan gave Dio a thorough once over that made him squirm. "You <em>are</em> really hot. I wouldn't mind seeing you around every once in a while."</p><p>It was Shrek's turn to gape at Rohan. "Babe… are you sure? You'd be ok with that?" Rohan shrugged and turned to Dio, clearly waiting for a response.</p><p>"I…. I don't know… I've never done this before… " Dio scuffed his foot against the swamp mud, uncharacteristically bashful.</p><p>Shrek walked to him, slowly, as if afraid of startling him. When he got close enough he cupped Dio's face in his hands, and Dio looked up at him with uncertainty. "It's ok," Shrek soothed. "It's going to be new for all of us. But… I'm willing to try if you are."</p><p>Dio seemed to reach a decision, determination filling his eyes, and he whispered, firmly, "I love you."</p><p>Shrek grinned. "I love you too."</p><p>Dio surged up and kissed Shrek, clinging to his neck like he thought he would slip away. When they broke for air, gasping and grinning, Dio turned to Rohan, returning his appreciative once-over.</p><p>"I wouldn't mind seeing you a little more often, either."</p><p>Rohan smirked. Yeah, they were going to be fine.</p>
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